Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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