I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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