she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
