Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
