Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
