HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
