apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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