I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
