I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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