Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
