Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
