dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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