I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
