By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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