haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
