...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
