I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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