I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize