I need to stop coming to work sober
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
