Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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