Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
