Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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