Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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