He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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