3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
