dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
