I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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