I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
