I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
