And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
