If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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