guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize