She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't turn off my feet"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
