I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
