he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
