I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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