you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
