I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
