Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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