I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
