so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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