Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
