Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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