so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize