I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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