I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
