You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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