She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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