id be glad to
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
