if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
