We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
