Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
