after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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