I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
