he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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