he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
