you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
