I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
