your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
