I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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