U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
