the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
