I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
