Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
