What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
People in love make me want to vomit
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
