She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
