I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
