i already hear my dad disowning me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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