My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
