yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
