if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
