dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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