she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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