You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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