So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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