Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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