Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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