Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
