I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
