I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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