escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
