My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
