love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize