I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
