We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
