a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize