I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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