"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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