shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
