Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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