he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
