Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
