Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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