I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
