You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
