Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
