FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
