I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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