Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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