Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
