that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
