ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
