Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
