Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
