you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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