i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
